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August 27, 2012
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wild sea-scented boy,
when it's time to
use the razor
i will cry and i might
leave dark-moon bruises
on your biceps
but i won't
blame you,

i won't. instead,
i will remember
primitive indigo dawns
with naked lamplight
light on half your face,
fire in your eyes,  
me trapped between
your hands firm on the sides of my head,
i will remember cathartic silences,
your gaze leaking into my tear ducts,
my waist
my ribcage
my sadness  
that you taste away,
the pulse of your vitals
against mine, lips raw with
sincerity,
and i will remember  
our skins our touch
the energy flowing through
our foreheads,
your bicycle
your pen
your smell your smile
your hold your salt water
that i will take with me
forever.
boy born from ocean breeze
there is no other you
i still do not want this blade but
i do not blame you.
does the title fit?
i purposely stayed away from punctuation because i wanted to achieve an emptier, airy, slow feel. how did that work out? or is it just all jumbled up together?
what do you see the 'razor' to be? and what blame?

critique: [link]

their words mostly noises
ghosts with just voices
your words in my memory
are like music to me.

(i pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms.)
--snow patrol
Add a Comment:
 
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013   General Artist
Congratulations on the well-deserved DLD, dear one! :clap:
Reply
:icon520romeo:
520romeo Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you very much! :blackrose:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013   General Artist
sure thing, sweetpea! :huggle:
Reply
:iconcamelopardalisinblue:
camelopardalisinblue Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Gorgeous. Congratulations on your DLD!
Reply
:icon520romeo:
520romeo Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you! (:
Reply
:iconcamelopardalisinblue:
camelopardalisinblue Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconthecheshercat:
TheChesherCat Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the darkness and the ocean together -- not a pair of images that you see together very often, and it's very powerful.
Reply
:icon520romeo:
520romeo Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you very much. :blackrose:
Reply
:iconilyilaice:
ilyilaice Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013
love love love love. i think i need to watch you now because i've seen your work a couple of times and it always takes my breath away.

i did like the lack of punctuation here - makes it feel very raw. i also loved all the ocean metaphors because who doesn't love ocean metaphors??? i'm pretty sure i've used oceans too much as metaphors because they're perfect to describe everything. i sure like the way you related the ocean here to a boy who can't be contained, someone who the tide will maybe take away. so yes, i do think the title makes perfect sense.

the proximity of the words "lamplight" and "light" feels slightly awkward to me but perhaps you meant that?

of course the razor/blade to me refers to suicide. it's the obvious symbol, but maybe you meant it for something else, i don't know.

anyway. love this. :heart: your words are always hypnotic. :heart:
Reply
:icon520romeo:
520romeo Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
aww thank you

aha i feel like many people use ocean metaphors too often. oh well.
that's a very interesting way of seeing the relationship between the ocean and the boy. i actually did not think of that myself when i was writing. (:

and yes, i intentionally put the 'light's close together.

thank you so much for your comment.
and i really appreciate your support.

:heart:
Reply
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