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Literature Text
i.
sink into the universe, the void
where light has died and
static pervades.
ii.
oh, queen! i can everything,
live forever in
endless ecstasy. the sun will never fail
to shine and i will
drink up its power i will
bathe in its pleasure for
ever.
iii.
the streetlights glare as do the people;
red devil's eyes, bright holes in skulls.
i cannot,
i cannot,
i cannot.
iv.
i cannot unpeel and bare myself to these people.
i can hear their whispers, their sneers;
lollipop head on a stick.
v.
three o' six, not three o' five, means
the cabbage cart is one minute late.
the chair is unclean, just like me.
the two entities must not collide.
vi.
the cabbage has too much salt;
i will swell up like the ocean's stomach
in all its guttural slush.
i must not consume,
i must not consume.
vii.
and that was all from yesterday.
today, it will be different. today,
i am not me.
sink into the universe, the void
where light has died and
static pervades.
ii.
oh, queen! i can everything,
live forever in
endless ecstasy. the sun will never fail
to shine and i will
drink up its power i will
bathe in its pleasure for
ever.
iii.
the streetlights glare as do the people;
red devil's eyes, bright holes in skulls.
i cannot,
i cannot,
i cannot.
iv.
i cannot unpeel and bare myself to these people.
i can hear their whispers, their sneers;
lollipop head on a stick.
v.
three o' six, not three o' five, means
the cabbage cart is one minute late.
the chair is unclean, just like me.
the two entities must not collide.
vi.
the cabbage has too much salt;
i will swell up like the ocean's stomach
in all its guttural slush.
i must not consume,
i must not consume.
vii.
and that was all from yesterday.
today, it will be different. today,
i am not me.
Literature
Why I stay
1.
every day you wake me
with a gentleness
I did not know you possessed
every day
you are waiting at the door
like clockwork,
stamping your feet
on the frozen ground,
smiling grimly
with your bone white teeth
2.
there is a restlessness going around,
something I think
borne of this winter air
I am filled with a longing
not lustful, nor painful,
but rather like a constant
pulling
from every direction
3.
as if the particles themselves
that compose my body
are becoming detached
tired of the tension, the constant
push to shove
necessary
to deserve your love
Literature
The Journey
Beneath my skin, my veins pulse with desire
To know why I am here.
As I journey to find the answers to life,
I sail through the monotonous seas
That stretch forever beyond the horizon.
As my ship sails towards the dry land,
Mountains tower before me,
Filling me with both awe and intimidation.
But the mountains are eroding as time passes by,
Into merely fragments of what they once were.
I move my eyes and watch the glaciers
Melt slowly into rivers.
But even though they disappear,
They melt to provide water for all life on this planet.
You could say rivers are created by glaciers for a purpose.
I ponder those mountains and glac
Literature
Snare
& she prefered her hind leg caught in those
greedy teeth
her trapp-ed-ness : her happiness
his puncture marks & their bittersweet ooze
to hold her; to let her
in her last moments
belong to him
Suggested Collections
Featured in Groups
I am very dissatisfied with the title. Suggestions?
tWR: quantumponies.deviantart.com/a…
what do you make of this? what is it supposed to mean?
is it too obscure
does the format help to understand the poem?
is the breaking of grammar rules here effective?
and just for fun: what do you make of the lollipop head on a stick?
tWR: quantumponies.deviantart.com/a…
what do you make of this? what is it supposed to mean?
is it too obscure
does the format help to understand the poem?
is the breaking of grammar rules here effective?
and just for fun: what do you make of the lollipop head on a stick?
© 2014 - 2024 520romeo
Comments7
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Hey again!
I've critiqued one of your poems a long time ago and I have to admit-the rest of your gallery is beautiful 
I'll just cut to the chase. I love the first stanza. It's like this peek from between curtains before a play starts and it's an absolutely stunning introduction to this. Actually, the first and second stanza seem like watching a Macbeth/Hamlet play.
The rest of the poem reads like a transition from the 16th Shakespearean century to the 18th century Britain, or the transition of a duke from riches to rags, or the transition of art from philosophy to madness. My point is that the poem is a transition itself and my interpretations vary so much, the more I think about them the more I adore this piece. Or maybe it's just me doing this kind of thinking
The only things I don't like about this piece are nitpicky mistakes so they're not much of a big deal. But here are my two cents if it's okay with you:
ii. oh, queen! i can do everything,
live forever in
endless ecstasy.
the sun will never fail
to shine and i will
drink up its power (I suggest putting a comma here)i will
bathe in its pleasure for
ever.
v. three o' six, not three o' five, means (I suggest replacing this with a dash)
the cabbage cart is one minute late.
I also noticed in your other poems that you tend to have trouble with enjambment which is common with most poets. Honestly, that made me love you more since I have trouble with that sometimes but my small advice to you is this: just try to separate words like separating ideas. That way, the flow of your words would run more smoothly and make for an easier read. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't mehehe. Hope I made sense though :/
So that's my side. Now on to your questions:
What do you make of this? What is it supposed to mean?
As stated before, the poem is a transition.
Is it too obscure?
For me it wasn't. It was like a sneak peek of seven scenes from history. I'm not sure if this was your goal but if it wasn't then it's somewhat obscure for me. No worries, it's still a good piece
Does the format help to understand the poem?
I think the spaces are too far apart. Maybe reduce them or just flat-out make the poem read in a straight line. Less space would do.
Is the breaking of grammar rules here effective?
The small 'i' s I'm used to. The rest I'm not so sure. I am by no means a Grammar Nazi but I tend to be very nitpicky with grammar at some points in my life but have learned to forgive their errors in poetry thanks to e.e cummings so I guess it's a 50:50 for me.
And just for fun: what do you make of the lollipop head on a stick?
It was both hilarious and brutal. If you watch Game of Thrones, it's like that part of King's Landing castle where they keep the stick of decapitated heads, except yours was...sweeter or more gooey? I'm sorry
About that title, I'm afraid I can't help with that. Although it doesn't fit the poem I am terrible with titles and the process of suggesting them to other things. Hope I helped though and please don't stop writing
I've critiqued one of your poems a long time ago and I have to admit-the rest of your gallery is beautiful I'll just cut to the chase. I love the first stanza. It's like this peek from between curtains before a play starts and it's an absolutely stunning introduction to this. Actually, the first and second stanza seem like watching a Macbeth/Hamlet play.
The rest of the poem reads like a transition from the 16th Shakespearean century to the 18th century Britain, or the transition of a duke from riches to rags, or the transition of art from philosophy to madness. My point is that the poem is a transition itself and my interpretations vary so much, the more I think about them the more I adore this piece. Or maybe it's just me doing this kind of thinking
The only things I don't like about this piece are nitpicky mistakes so they're not much of a big deal. But here are my two cents if it's okay with you:
ii. oh, queen! i can do everything,
live forever in
endless ecstasy.
the sun will never fail
to shine and i will
drink up its power (I suggest putting a comma here)
bathe in its pleasure for
ever.
v. three o' six, not three o' five
the cabbage cart is one minute late.
I also noticed in your other poems that you tend to have trouble with enjambment which is common with most poets. Honestly, that made me love you more since I have trouble with that sometimes but my small advice to you is this: just try to separate words like separating ideas. That way, the flow of your words would run more smoothly and make for an easier read. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't mehehe. Hope I made sense though :/
So that's my side. Now on to your questions:
What do you make of this? What is it supposed to mean?
As stated before, the poem is a transition.
Is it too obscure?
For me it wasn't. It was like a sneak peek of seven scenes from history. I'm not sure if this was your goal but if it wasn't then it's somewhat obscure for me. No worries, it's still a good piece
Does the format help to understand the poem?
I think the spaces are too far apart. Maybe reduce them or just flat-out make the poem read in a straight line. Less space would do.
Is the breaking of grammar rules here effective?
The small 'i' s I'm used to. The rest I'm not so sure. I am by no means a Grammar Nazi but I tend to be very nitpicky with grammar at some points in my life but have learned to forgive their errors in poetry thanks to e.e cummings so I guess it's a 50:50 for me.
And just for fun: what do you make of the lollipop head on a stick?
It was both hilarious and brutal.
If you watch Game of Thrones, it's like that part of King's Landing castle where they keep the stick of decapitated heads, except yours was...sweeter or more gooey? I'm sorry About that title, I'm afraid I can't help with that. Although it doesn't fit the poem I am terrible with titles and the process of suggesting them to other things. Hope I helped though and please don't stop writing